Continuing the Conversation
If you’ve been a follower of Gabriel’s Light, you already know how important it is to talk about suicide with your kids. (See our blog post for tips on how to do this). You also may know there are three simple things you can do to help save lives:
1. Learn the Warning Signs;
2. Know How to Help Someone at Risk;
3. Encourage Others to Do the Same.
But is it enough to have “the talk” just once and assume our kids will come to us with their feelings in the future? Studies suggest NO: conversations about our children’s mental health should happen often. Keep reading for some thoughts on why this is so important and some tips for making more frequent conversations happen!
Frequent Conversations Are Important
Since many mental health conditions are considered intermittent, their severity and intensity of feelings can vary greatly over time. Specific symptoms will come and go throughout life. A number of factors can contribute to the changing symptoms and feelings: everything from stress level, to age, to staff changes at school, to the rapid changes in daily life as a result of living through a global pandemic! Having only one conversation about mental health and/or suicide is not enough. If we normalize talking about our feelings and emotions as a family, it makes it easier to continue the conversations and identify when things change.
Develop a Trusting Foundation
As a parent, you probably already know that it can be difficult to get a kid to open up about topics as complex and personal as mental health. Experts in mental health suggest that building a trusting foundation over time makes these kinds of “hard talks” a little easier to navigate. Some tips for building this foundation:
Make it a routine: Discussing mental health on a daily basis can help your child to develop a healthy relationship with their own mental health. A great way to do this is to discuss emotions and mental health not only on “bad days” but on good ones too! If these conversations become the norm in your family, children will become more comfortable talking about their feelings and resistance may lessen.
Help your child to describe and name their emotions: You can do this by asking pointed questions such as, “What’s the name of the emotion you’re feeling? What sensations are you noticing in your body? What do you feel like doing now (such as crying or hiding)?” It also helps to model this behavior by identifying and naming your own emotions.
Be careful not to stigmatize mental health: Providing examples of times when you’ve struggled with your own mental health can be helpful. Talking without lecturing or sounding judgmental can also help. If you want to discuss something you noticed in your child, use I statements to start the conversation such as “I have noticed that…” or “I am concerned…”
Tips for Frequent Mental Health Discussions
Try having a conversation during another activity such as driving, walking, or doing a chore or puzzle together. Direct eye contact can feel threatening to our developing young adults whereas a more casual conversation during another activity feels more comfortable.
Make an analogy to a medical problem: Children may be more used to discussing things with their pediatrician. If they have allergies, for example, they may be used to discussing what measures they can take to help them be more comfortable. Letting them know that mental health concerns are also physical conditions that start with their brain can help remove stigma.
Listen to them: Listening and validating your child’s experiences can help alleviate any shame they may be feeling about expressing their true feelings. You can listen with curiosity and try to empathize with them as much as possible. Letting them ask you questions is also a great way to foster communication.
Include the family: If diagnosed with a mental health condition, your child may feel more secure if they do not feel like it needs to be a secret. When siblings, grandparents, and other family members know about the mental health diagnosis, just as they would know about a diagnosis of allergies or asthma, the transparency can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation.
For teen children, steer them toward mental health resources: If your teen routinely uses a mobile phone, let them know there are resources available on demand if they ever feel the need to talk to someone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a 24/7 phone number (1-800-273-8255) as well as a dedicated Crisis Text Line (741741).
Start a new family routine, asking each family member to rate his or her day from one to 10. If your child has had a "2" day, focus on their mental health. Without forcing your child to talk about it, ask: "Sounds like you had quite a day. What would help you right now?"
Sources:
“How To Talk to Your Child About Their Mental Health” - The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
“If You Haven’t Talked With Your Kid About Mental Health, Do It Now” - sheknows.com
“ '13 Reasons Why' you should talk to your kids about suicide” - The Courier Post Online
“How to talk to children about suicide: An age-by-age guide” - The Today Show
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About Gabriel's Light
In 2019, Carol and Brendan Deely founded Gabriel’s Light in honor of their son who died by suicide at age 12. In honor of Gabe and all those lost to suicide, they share their journey with the hope that others may learn and grow from their tragedy. Focusing on three pillars of cyber safety, suicide prevention, and kindness campaigns, through outreach, programs, partnerships, and funding, they raise awareness and inspire youth, parents, and educators to take action and help forward their mission.